Michael and Alyssa stood on each side of me, both crying, as we said goodbye this morning in front of the security checkpoint at OHare. Michael's hair wa still a little wet from his shower at the hotel moments before and his his head was fresh and cool as I kept kissing it. Alyssa was heaving as she cried next to me. I kissed her head too, afraid to look them in the eyes.
I did not want to cry. They worry about me too much already, so I tried to be comforting and strong. Now, on a chair across from a hot dog stand, my heart aches for them.
This is the trade off of a journey like this. Always balancing my desire to explore, change, and seek love and professional fulfillment with the desire to simply be near my kids. I want to be a role model, showing them that people need to risk failure in order to succeed, but I also want them to feel that I have their interests at heart as well. I have always felt my job as a parent is to raise wonderful people, thoughtful, kind, and happy. But the choices necessary to make such kids are not at all obvious.
I take the next step realizing its costs, to my family and to me.